What DEI Is and Is Not: An Honest Look at Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion

Introduction: A Neighborly Conversation 

I ran into a neighbor at the gym and we started chatting. Somehow the conversation veered off into what is going on in the world. “For example,” he said, “What’s with this DEI thing? Why would we want to make everyone end up with the same results in life, regardless of how hard they worked or what choices they made?”

To prove his point, he told me about his own family. He and his three siblings are all very different. One is tall and athletic. Another is short and more academic. One became a successful businessperson. Another is still figuring things out. “DEI would say we should all be equal in how we turned out,” he said.

I was taken aback. I mean I’ve known him and his wife for years. They’re well-educated, well-read and well-traveled. But here we were. I thought to myself how many more people are in my circle who think the same way, even though I would have never imagined it?

I decided to see if an old analogy may help. I asked him calmly, “As you were growing up, did you all wear the same size shoe ?” He laughed. “Of course not.”

“Exactly,” I said. “DEI is not about giving everyone the same size shoe. That would be ridiculous. It’s about making sure everyone has shoes that fit. That way, they can all walk, run, hike or do whatever else they want in those shoes.”

He paused, and then he said something unexpected: “That’s actually a good way to explain it. I’ve never heard this analogy. It gives me a different way to think about DEI. Thank you.”

I thought to myself many of us who work in this space are used to these conversations. We know the language, the history, and the goals of DEI. But there are many more who don’t. And when they hear something that sounds unfair or extreme, they push back.

This article is a crash course for those who want to know what DEI really is, what it is not, the legal foundation that DEI programs operate in, why DEI still matters for your success, and how to do it right.

1. What Is DEI, Really?

Let’s start by breaking it down:

• Diversity simply describes the current state of our workforce, whereby there are a variety of people, experiences, and perspectives in the workplace. This includes differences in race and ethnicity, gender, age, disability, sexual orientation, religion, veteran status, soci-economic background, and more.
• Equity is about making sure people have what they need to succeed. That does not mean treating everyone the same, but it does mean being fair and for leaders to do their best to remove barriers for all their team members to the extent possible.
• Inclusion is about making sure people feel like they belong and can contribute fully—no matter who they are.

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DEI is about opportunities, not outcomes. It’s certainly not about handing people success. It’s about removing unfair barriers so that everyone has a real shot at it. And fairness is something we all care about. The idea that everyone should have a fair chance resonates with our shared values as a nation.

‍2. What DEI Is Not

There’s a common myth that DEI means everyone should end up with the same outcome, the same salary, the same achievements, and the like. That’s simply not true.

Here’s what DEI is not:

• DEI is not about giving some people unfair advantages.
• DEI is not about lowering standards.
• DEI is not about hiring or promoting people just because of their identity.
• DEI is not about making everyone end up at the same place.

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DEI is about fairness. It means recognizing that people start in different places, have unique needs and face their own challenges, and then making sure the path forward is accessible to everyone.

3. Why the Confusion?

In our research, we found that in 10–15% of cases, some DEI programs went wrong. They focused mainly on outcomes instead of opportunities. That’s where some of the pushback is coming from.

Some organizations misunderstood the goals. They created programs that were unfair, and they didn’t always explain what they were doing or why. That caused resentment and fear—sometimes even among people who support the overall idea of fairness.

But just like with any program or system, mistakes can happen. That doesn’t mean the whole idea is bad. When planes crash, we don’t shut down the airline industry. We figure out what went wrong and fix it.

4. DEI and the Law — What the Law Actually Says

It’s important to know that DEI is grounded in US law dating back many decaded—and none of these laws require equal outcomes. They are designed to protect equal access, prevent discrimination, and promote fairness.

Here are a few of the key laws that provide a legal foundation of DEI programs:

1. Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964

This law prohibits employment discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, or national origin. It applies to employers with 15 or more employees, including federal, state, and local governments. The goal is to ensure fair hiring, pay, promotions, and working conditions.

Source: EEOC - Title VII

2. Title IX of the Education Amendments of 1972

Title IX bans sex-based discrimination in any education program or activity receiving federal financial assistance. This includes admissions, athletics, and academic programs. It does not guarantee equal outcomes in grades, sports performance, or graduation rates—it ensures access.

Source: U.S. Department of Education - Title IX

3. Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) of 1990

This law prohibits discrimination against individuals with disabilities in all areas of public life, including jobs, schools, transportation, and public and private places open to the general public. It requires reasonable accommodations to provide fair access—not identical treatment.

Source: ADA.gov

4. Equal Pay Act of 1963

The Equal Pay Act requires that men and women be given equal pay for equal work in the same establishment. Job content—not job titles—determines whether jobs are substantially equal. It doesn’t demand equal career outcomes, but it demands fairness in compensation for substantially the same work.

Source: EEOC - Equal Pay Act

Note none of these laws require outcomes to be the same. They are all about ensuring equal access to opportunities and removing unfair barriers. This is why the EEOC is the Equal Employment “Opportunity” Commission (not the Outcomes Commission).

5. What Happens When DEI Goes Off Track

We can’t ignore the fact that some DEI programs have gone off track. Sometimes, companies focus on hitting diversity quotas due to their own lack of understanding. There are also a few cases of abuse of power. Other times, they simply fail to explain their programs clearly, leaving employees confused or concerned.

We have an ongoing research study focused on where DEI may have gone wrong. We ask a broad range of employees at various size organizations to share if they believe they were hurt by DEI efforts. We then follow up with every one of the people who believed they were hurt in some way. We want to understand what went wrong, so that we can develop mechanisms to keep it from happening.

In every case we have studied to date, we have discovered two key ingredients were missing: 

1. Lack of adequate data to surface DEI programs gone wrong, instances of reverse bias, abuse of power, etc.
2. Lack of accountability at the right level of the organization to ensure corrective actions when needed. 

But for every instance of a DEI program gone wrong, we have over 8 instances of programs that have resulted in significant positive outcomes and benefits. These are organizations where we have direct involvement with the principals or heard about them from a credible source. So clearly, the answer is not to abandon DEI. It’s to do it better.

‍6. What We Learned From the Silicon Valley Bank Failure

In early 2023, we woke up to find out that our corporate bank, the Silicon Valley Bank, and a few other banks collapsed because they made poor decisions and failed to manage risk. What followed was days of uncertainty and disruption as companies like ours scrambled to make payroll and pay our vendors, find a new bank and transfer funds, and then let our customers and partners know about our new banking information. About two years later, we still occasionally have a funds transfer to the wrong bank!

But when all that happened, no one said we should shut down the entire banking system. Instead, we investigated the failures, understood the gaps, and made corrections.

The same mindset is applicable here. The principles of DEI are critical for success of any organization. Just because a few DEI programs have gone too far or missed the mark, the solution is not to scrap the whole idea. The solution is to look at the data, fix the problems, and recommit to the core principle: fairness.

7. Why DEI Still Matters

DEI is not about engineering identical results—it’s about removing the barriers that keep people from having a fair shot. In the workplace, many of these barriers are subtle, structural, and often invisible to those who don’t experience them.

Here are several ways inequity in opportunity still shows up in the workplace:

• Unequal Access to Mentorship: Women and employees of color are significantly less likely to be mentored or sponsored by senior leaders. Mentorship often leads to career-building opportunities and access to leadership roles. Without it, people are left out of the informal learning and advocacy that drive advancement.
• Exclusion from Informal Networks: Career opportunities often stem from connections made in informal spaces—like team lunches, social outings, or hallway conversations. These networks are not equally accessible to everyone, especially those who don’t share the same background or cultural familiarity with those in leadership.
• Biased and Unequal Feedback: Studies show that women, particularly women of color, are more likely to receive vague or non-actionable performance feedback compared to white male colleagues. Clear, constructive feedback is critical for growth. Without it, professional development is stunted.
• Inconsistent Access to Flexible Work: Remote or hybrid work can improve work-life balance and productivity—but not all employees are granted these options equally. Some managers offer flexibility based on subjective preferences, creating inconsistent opportunities across teams.
• Limited Stretch Assignments: High-potential projects and "stretch" roles are career accelerators—but they’re often assigned informally to those who feel familiar or similar to decision-makers. This excludes equally capable employees who are not part of the inner circle.

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These are not examples of unfair outcomes—they’re examples of unequal access and opportunity. DEI programs seek to ensure that everyone has access to the same tools, opportunities, and paths for advancement.

8. What Fairness Really Means

Fairness doesn’t mean we all get the same thing. It means we all get what we need to compete on similar terms.

If we believe in the American Dream—the idea that hard work should lead to success—then we must also believe in making sure that dream is accessible to everyone. Not just in theory, but in practice.

We all want to live in a society where our kids can succeed regardless of their background. We all want our workplaces and communities to reflect the diversity of the world we live in. And we all want to be treated with respect and dignity.

That’s what DEI is really all about.

9. How to Get DEI Right

Working with many organizations, large and small, across all industries has taught us what we need to do to build an inclusive workplace for everyone:

1. Listen more. Like the conversation I had at the gym, honest questions and respectful discussions can go a long way.
2. Be transparent. Share goals, data, and challenges openly.
3. Focus on fairness. Equity is about opportunity, not outcome.
4. Stay data-driven. Measure what works and adjust as you see gaps, any kind of bias or unclear accountability creeping in.
5. Invite feedback. When something feels off, listen and make sure you create a safe space for everyone to provide their input.

Conclusion: DEI Is About All of Us

At its core, DEI isn’t about identity. It’s about fairness.

It’s about making sure no one is blocked from success because of who they are. It’s about ensuring every person—whether they’re a first-generation college student, a working parent, a veteran, or someone with a disability—has a fair shot.

If we remember that, we can bring more people into the conversation. Even those who’ve been skeptical.

Because fairness isn’t a partisan issue. It’s an American value.

And when DEI is done right, it helps us live up to the values we all believe in.

For more discussion on this topic see our Linkedin post.

For more blogs on related topics see here.

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OurOffice helps busy HR and people leaders improve hiring, engagement, and retention by building a more inclusive workplace with an easy and affordable toolset, leading to better business outcomes. Unlike one-size-fits-all solutions, the OurOffice DEI platform is fully customizable to mix and match the right tools and ensure that you have the right solution to drive measurable impact. 

Ready to take your DEI initiatives to the next level? Contact OurOffice today to learn how we can support your journey toward a more diverse, equitable, and inclusive workplace.

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